The last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster! But man, I feel accomplished! Writing and baking are my two favorite things to do. I have always been a daydreamer and these two hobbies let me be just that. I get to use the parts of my brain that never seem to shut off to create little bits of magic out of cake and to escape into another world.
I am a firm believer that there is no end to the imagination and that it is one of the best tools that we have as humans. Imagination gives me the power to feel like a princess in a ball gown every time I go down a staircase or a 1980’s rockstar every time I throw on some blue eyeshadow. I don’t care how old I get; it will always be fun to think this way.
The weekend before last, I had the chance to do whatever I wanted to do. The kiddos were with the grandparents, and I had some “me” time. I know, what’s that, right? But instead of using that time to clean and catch up on all the chores that I needed to do, I used the time to do what I wanted to do. Holy crap! It was amazing! Normally, before I sit down to write, I want a tidy area, free of toys, stickers, and barbies. Clean house, clean mind, is how I think of it. But I let go a little and just focused on my needs. I knew that if I did all of the stuff that I needed to catch up on that I would end up being too tired to do anything for myself. The clean laundry sitting on the couch would still be clean the next day and the toys could be picked up another day. It was my time. So, I sat and wrote… for hours. Midafternoon came and I had an “ah ha” moment when I had realized that I was done. I had finished the 2nd draft of my book! It felt so good.
But in my usual fashion, my brain was not ready to relax. I had an urge to bake. So, I did just that. I had seen these little hedgehog cakes all over the internet and I decided to give it a shot. After all was said and done, I looked at it realizing that I had forgotten arms and legs (poor little guy). They were a little bit of an afterthought, but I was happy with it. He’s bright and cheery and was a perfect little cake to bring to my grandmother’s the next day. It was also a little bit of a make-up cake. For the first time, probably ever, I had not brought a baked good for a holiday, this last one being Easter. This was perfect. 😊
The next day, still reeling from my cake and writing high, I woke up in a ridiculous amount of pain. I had somehow managed to throw out my back/hip while I was sleeping and spent the entire day like that. And then most of the last week. My back was in pain, and I am stubborn as hell when it comes to being any sort of under the weather. I don’t do well sitting still. But Monday came and the pain was worse. I took the time that I had to spend at home, covered in pain relief cream and smelling of menthol, to print out and edit my book. All two hundred pages of it. I know that doesn’t seem very long, but there is a reason behind it. I am a busy person. I have found that even though I love a good 350 to 400 page romance/mystery/thriller/whatever book, trying to finish them and remember what had happened before I finally had a chance to read again can sometimes be challenging. So I thought, something a little shorter might do the trick. Eventually, I will get others’ opinions. When I’m ready and I’m working on that.
I have spent a good portion of my life writing and having other people read what I have written. I can write a research paper, essay, case study even, in my sleep, but creative writing is something different. This is something that I only rediscovered a few years ago. I remember sitting around my middle school lunch table passing around a notebook that my girlfriends and I shared writing NSYNC fanfiction. That was always a blast, getting to read everyone’s additions to the stories. But now as an adult, I see it as opening up in a totally different way. Even writing this now is somewhat out of my comfort zone. But that’s the point, being afraid to do something gets a person nowhere. And this is all part of my journey on the road to taking care of me.
But then, Tuesday, my heart broke for the second time this year. All of my happiness and accomplishments from the last couple of days didn’t matter at all when I had to take my twelve-year-old cat, my first pet that I ever got on my own, Kiki, to the emergency vet. In an unexpected turn of events, my loveable Kiki had cancer and/or liver failure and I had to put her down that night. I was not ready. It’s hard for anyone to be ready for something like that. Not quite three months ago, I went through the same thing with my dog, Cooper. They were both the same age. I had gotten them the same year and they passed within three months of each other. That night, I was crushed and even more so when my son came to say his goodbyes to her. She was his first pet. I appreciated my mother showing up with him and helping us both through it. They will always be with me.
The thing about life though, is that we have to keep going, even when it is hard. We have to find a way to cope and work through our feelings. Making time for that is really important. I cannot tell you how devastated I am to have lost them both. But I find peace in knowing that they are hopefully somewhere together. In the meantime, it is okay to cry and okay to find ways to move on.
Later that week, I was set to make a fabulous birthday cake for my nephew. I had a blast making this cake! I was able to channel all of my energies from the last few days into this cake and make something I was really happy with and turned out to be a big hit. It was a vanilla cake with a salted caramel drizzle on the inside with fondant and vanilla buttercream. Simple but yummy. The simple act of creating something that others will enjoy fills my heart and has helped me a lot this week.
I started an Instagram account to start showing some of my cakes. There are a few old and a few new. Check it out- @stephaniek.sunnieside
And as always, take care, and thank you for stopping by the sunnie side.